For any parent with a daughter!

I came across these 'rules' recently and couldn't stop laughing! But then, thought how perfect they will fit into my daughters dating life in about 10yrs hahaha

RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
... You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a Black Hawk chopper coming in over a san hill near Mogadishu. When my PTSD starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is me.

Kids In Cars

It's been ages since my last confession haha, well that's what this blog is like sometimes. A place for me to purge and confess!
So here I go again, with another blurt....
Kids In Cars. More specifically leaving kids unattended in cars.  Recently we had a class newsletter sent home that had a paragraph about children  being left in cars whilst parents drop other siblings at class/school, and that this is illegal and please stop doing it.
HOLY CRAP, they were talking about me!  When I read the newsletter it made me think.."man, I really AM doing a bad job parenting my kids". Because what kind of low-life scum bag would leave their child/ren in a car by themselves? Apparently me. AND it's ILLEGAL!  Oh dear.
Okay, so here's where I justify my actions (to myself mostly!)
Yes, I have left 2 of my children in the car whilst I run my preschooler into class. BUT.  I park directly outside the classroom's door. Literally, directly, as in 6-10 meters away.  I NEVER leave them in the car in warm weather. Actually, the whole reason I usually leave them in the car is because it's pouring with rain and we would all get soaked to the bone if I had to take all 3 out of their car seats, run inside and then run back out and re-buckle 2 kids back in.
And lastly, obviously I leave a window down a smidge, enough for air flow but not enough for a stranger to get their arm in and unlock the door. Yes, obviously I lock the doors too. I would never leave them if I thought they were in any danger, or if they were unwell, or if they cried or basically, if I thought that it wasn't the right thing to do. 
I have mixed feelings about this whole thing, but the most annoying thing is that it wasn't bought up with me directly. It had to be put in the class newsletter as a bit of exciting reading for all those other parents who do do the right thing.
It also has me wondering if other parents (other than the ones in our class!) leave their kids in the car at any time? What about Mums/Dads of lots of kids? What about parents that have to put petrol in their car with the kids in the back seat? Do they take all the kids inside the service station for the 1 minute it takes to pay? And what about kids allowed to sit alone in cars at soccer/football/netball etc because they have no interest in watching their brother or sister play? 
Anyhow, I accept that I've done the wrong thing.  Bad Mummy. But I won't accept that my children have been harmed by the experience/s. 
And, I'll be watching my back with the other parents at school now....

Dreams

I have always been interested in dreams, and how they translate to your current state of mind.  I used to keep a dream journal when I was at uni, and although I haven't looked at it for years, I know that when I read it, I'll remember every dream that is documented.  I was in a pretty toxic relationship for a few years over that time, and it's amazing to read some of my dreams from that period.  There is a HUGE number of dreams about snakes and I can still remember some of those dreams without even reading the journal.
  Recently I had a dream about an ex-boyfriend. Not anything romantic (for those of you wondering!), but just a dream in which he was so significant. Kind of like "Hellloooooo, remember me?"  I haven't seen or heard of this guy for over 10 yrs, as he lives in the UK.  And I hardly ever think about him normally, in my waking life, so a dream of such impact has made me think. 
Since that dream, I feel like I need to talk to him.  I'd like to know what he's doing now, where he is and if he's happy. I would love to hear that he's married, with a family and that life just got better after he left Australia.  Why else would he have appeared, so significantly in my dream?.
Don't you find it weird how people that you never ever think of, from your past just pop into dreams? Like a cameo in a movie, you're left thinking afterwards, "hmm, was that really so-and-so?" and why am I dreaming about them? Or is that just me......
I love dreaming. Honestly.  When I go to bed each night, I am excited about going to sleep, wondering where my dreams will take me, especially if I've had a few awesome dreams recently.  I've heard dreaming described as 'taking out the trash' whilst you're asleep. It cleanses the mind and sorts out all the junk that you don't have time to think about whilst you're awake. Or maybe you don't even know there's an issue that you should be addressing. The subconscious is GREAT for that.  My subconscious is awesome, and I am thankful that it is so thorough when it comes to bringing things to my attention, or getting rid of stuff that I haven't been able to.

I wonder what tonight will bring? :)

Battery-Free success!

The chaos that is Christmas is over and the new year has begun.  Christmas wasn't actually that chaotic for us this year, partly due to the fact that we stayed home but mostly due to our 'Battery-Free' Christmas gift rule (for the kids).  Santa complied with this rule well, and only bought one noisy no-brainer toy for each of the boys, the rest were non-battery operated ones. The grandparents also generally bought battery-free, though a couple of noisy, non-challenging ones slipped through :)   I thought it was going to be a little bit challenging shopping for toys that don't use batteries but I was pleasantly surprised!  Here are some of the toys that the kids got....

• Lego trucks & cars (Lego is always a winner!)
• A book that folds out to a Wiggles car (that you sit in)
• Transformers
• Beautiful Books
• Medical play set
• Gardening trolley (with all the rake/broom/shovel etc attachments)
• Bbq trolley (with little sausages,pickles,buns, tongs etc)
• Cameras (need batteries but are QUIET & encourage creativity)
• Skateboards, knee & elbow pads
• Skuttlebug (3 wheeler bike without peddles)
• Ramp to ride,skate,run over
• Huge airplane car transporter
• Barbie doll & horse
• Princess dress-ups
• Tea set
• Jigsaw
• Barbie 'hairdresser' doll head
• Assortment of sparkly shoes for dress-ups
• Toy story & Cars beach towels
• Goggles,snorkels
• and more that I can't remember right now!!

So, as you can see, not only were our children were very lucky with all the gifts they received but we were very lucky because we could enjoy watching them play with toys that made them think or run or jump, and not just sit and press the same button over and over and over....
I highly suggest that every family try this concept at least once whilst your kids are young! You might be surprised at the wide range of awesome battery-free toys there are out there and you will definitely be rewarded with watching the excitement on your child's face when they master a move or figure out the best way to use their new favourite toy!  Be kind to them and their little growing brains and try it!
For some ideas check out these sites
http://www.windmill.net.au/

http://www.peanutgallery.com.au/

http://www.chalk.com.au/

I've seen whats out there now and I'm hooked! We'll definitely be doing it battery-free from now on!

Evolution of a joke

My 5yr old son told me a joke today....
"Why did the banana cross the road?"
Don't know, why?
"Because he wanted to go to the toilet and there was no toilet on that side of the road, so he ran across uh, no, um, he WALKED slowly across because you don't run across roads and then a truck came along and crashed into his banana peel"
Cue raucous laughter from 5yr old!  It's a shaky start but I'm sure they'll improve :)